i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
