i just sent this text using only my big toe
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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