my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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