I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
