I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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