he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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