I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
