So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
