I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
