Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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