I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
