My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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