he thought i was a dude.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
