Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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