I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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