There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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