so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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