my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
