Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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