remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Girls should come with a carfax report
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
