Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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