There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
