cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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