im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
