Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
