just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need a beard to bite.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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