I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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