do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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