Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
