drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I want a musical about memes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
