just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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