Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
