This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize