In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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