evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
