Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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