I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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