I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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