So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
