I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
