i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
