is your mom at the bar?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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