I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
