I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's never too late to be topless.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize