final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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