i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
