i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
