fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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