I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize