his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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