What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
