My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
