either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
