so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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