My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
