The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
