Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
