tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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