just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
