my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
These tits shall not be calmed
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize